Faisal's Miracle Hair Gro - only $29.99 if you call now!

Many of you have kindly informed me over the years that I am losing my hair. I don't know if you derive pleasure from pointing out the ever-increasing patch of empty real-estate atop my head, or if you are just concerned that I may actually enjoy sporting the Captain Picard look. Nevertheless, I have decided to do something about it. This weekend I spent countless hours in my lab, pulling together a chemical concoction destined to blow Rogaine clear out of the water. Like any good scientist, I needed a human subject for testing purposes. My 3 month old daughter was sitting at arm's length, and since I didn't need to worry about her signing any consent forms, I went to town on her scalp. You'll agree from the results below that I have a winner. Please feel free to submit your order requests in the comments section. Satisfaction guaranteed.

The unsuspecting victim, before Miracle Hair Gro:


The satisfied customer, after Miracle Hair Gro: