The birthing pain equivalent - trying to negotiate a car deal

Saeeda went through a lot during the birthing process. Any wife will attest to the pain of pushing out a baby, and when I ask mine, she asks me to imagine squeezing a tennis ball out of my nostril. The painful analogy is apt - watching her struggle in the hospital made it clear that there was nothing as physically demanding and painful that I could ever do that would compare to her experience. But Saeeda, it turned out, had different ideas.

Soon after Nuha arrived, I was given a seemingly straightforward assignment: find us a new car. At the time I thought that this was a reasonable request - we haven't had a car in more than three years, and with Nuha's doctor's appointments and my job in the suburbs, we're going to need one. However, I didn't completely understand Saeeda's true intentions. She simply wanted to punish me for putting her through the labor process.

You see, car buying remains a process as pleasant as having a root canal. The players involved have not evolved much over the years, despite the fact that the internet has helped educate the average consumer to the point that there is little we cannot find out. Within seconds, we can learn the true price of a car, read reviews on experiences past customers have had with dealerships, or study common pitfalls to avoid.

But car salesmen don't seem to understand this. From the moment you enter a dealership you are marked, and are worked over by the sales person until you either give in and buy the car, or decide you've had enough and want to leave. Rarely are you ever able to make it in and out on your terms, which are usually to test drive the car and get a price quote. Instead you have to dance the dance.

I'm meticulous about my research, and throughout this car buying process I've tried to have the maximum amount of information at my fingertips. But yet I've still had to endure the sales person asking me what monthly payment I'm looking for (never negotiate the monthly payment), how much I'd like to put down (minimize the downpayment, especially when leasing), or if I was ready to buy today (absolutely not). I've still had to cool my heels while the salesperson handed me off to their manager, who always jovially asked me how he could help me, or what he needed to do to earn my business.

Any time I asked an intelligent question, I got responses along the lines of, "well, it's a complicated calculation, and the city tax only makes matters worse, but I can bump up the term of the deal and drive payments down ... but tell me, you like the car, right? It's a great car, isn't it?"

*sigh*

So often it's taken all my self-control not to be rude and tell them that guys, I've been in sales for the last year. I know all about soft-closes and getting buy-in. I studied this stuff in business school. I can tell when you're trying to get me to commit. I understand numbers - moving the term of the deal out will lower my monthly payments, but I'm just making lower payments for longer, which in the end adds up to a larger amount. Please, just tell me what price you're willing to sell the car for so that I can go to the next dealer and shop around.

After about four dealers, I decided I'd had enough, and I started making phone calls instead. This I'd highly recommend. Call up a dealership, ask for their Internet sales manager. Tell them exactly what you are looking for, and that you are going to buy within a week if you can get the right price. If you get the "come into the dealership, we'll talk then" song and dance, tell them you'll do so if you get the right price, and that you won't come in until you've shopped around. Find out the MSRP of the car they come back at you with, as well as their sale price. Don't bother with financing questions if you are looking to buy, or leasing questions if you are looking to lease. All you care about are those two numbers.

The MSRP is the number you will use when you call another dealer about the same car. You want them to quote you a car that has the same MSRP as that of the first dealer. That's the only way you'll be able to compare apples to apples - that way you know both dealers are quoting you prices for the same type of car with the same features. However, it's the sale price that will clue you into how good a deal you're getting. After three or so quotes, it's up to you - how much you enjoy bargaining and negotiating, and playing dealers against each other? Do you love it? Then keep shopping, otherwise go with the lowest sales price.

My entire paternity leave was consumed by this process. I swear I was at a breaking point towards the end. But finally, on Friday, it happened. The right dealer with the right price, with a decent sales rep - all of it came together wonderfully, and I walked out with a shiny new Lexus RX 350. A stretch for our budget, no doubt, but not having bought ourselves anything nice in three years has earned us the right to splurge a little (screw those student loan payments!). And we won't be driving long distances, given that we live in the city, so gas prices are not a concern. I can't tell you how much I've missed that wonderful new car smell!

It's almost like ... giving birth. You go through immense amounts of pain and curse at your spouse, but your baby, when it arrives, makes it all worthwhile. Thank you Saeeda, for making me understand.